A different light

OK, so this is the name of my blog. So I bet you can guess what this is...
... my story. I caution you though, it could possibly change your perspective on me. It probably won't but I still have to warn you.

My story before high school doesn't really matter, all you need to know is that kids always picked on me (after sixth grade), and it was partially responsible for making me the way I am now.

I came into high school with only a couple of friends and let's face it I didn't fit in at all. I didn't feel to great about that (although I always say that I don't care I really do). So after a long and tedious attempt at finding friends, I realized that very few people meet my extremely high expectations (the ones who did I proudly call my friends today). I know it sounds bad to have expectations for my friends, so let me explain. They have to be good people (difficulty 9), be themselves and no one else (difficulty 9.5), they would never force me to do something that is just wrong, even though I would probably forgive them within a day (difficulty varies), and they have to be worthy of my trust (difficulty 10). Those are my friends, everyone else I just deal and get along with.

You're probably thinking to yourself that I brought the misfortune of being a pariah down on myself. You are absolutely right (as usual). I did this to myself, and if I had a choice I would do everything the same way again, because if I changed anything, I wouldn't have the friends I have today. In case you haven't figured it out, my friends mean the world to me, that is a major reason why, like Daniel, I don't like changes.

I have really low self-esteem, a result of being weak against the nearly harmless thoughts of others. I am also severely depressed at times. It's not fun, but I'm not asking you to pity me just to try and understand. I feel emotions very strongly, so I always try to hide them, and up until recently I did a pretty decent job. I am also nervous all of the time, so if I am acting weird, stupid, or just immature it means I'm nervous. The nervous disorder is worse for me than the depression, because it doesn't go away from time to time. I made it almost three months without being depressed at all, from the end of last year to just recently, a record for me.

Now that my medical history is out of the way I will try to describe the quagmire that people call my mind. I try as best as I can to be honest, but no one is perfect. I care too much about nearly everything (I try as hard as I can to avoid letting anyone know this (if that makes sense)). I like being in contact with people who I know, new people make me nervous until I get used to them. I enjoy being outside, especially during Summer and Fall. I can be nearly invisible at times (not meant to be taken literally), because I tend to blend in with any group of people that I am near.

I use duct tape to fix virtually any problem that comes my way. I enjoy rock music as you already know. I am not very good at guitar yet but I have accomplished a few things; the James Bond theme song, "Smoke on the Water" (I still need the tab in front of me though), "Live and Let Die" (again with the aid of a tab), and the beginning of "Sweet Child O' Mine."

I don't like to brag but I had a near perfect GPA last year (4.2 range). I run a lot, because I have to be good at it next year.

As my info says, most people consider me to be dark. This is because I tend to distance myself from people other than my friends. Also because, as I said (in my info) I am realistic, which usually makes me sound pessimistic. Optimism is generally not one of my strong points. I believe that everything is part of some religious truth (the deeper meaning that God intends to reveal), or another. So basically I believe that everything has a purpose.

For anyone who would like to know, I follow the rules. I don't drink, do drugs or any of the other things that are mentioned in the other blogs that are linked to mine. On a lighter note, I like pie. This should confuse you, so I will explain; it is a joke between me Francisco, Matt, and Chris. I don't expect you to understand, so don't worry about it.

That's all for now, I will write more on the topic in a later post.